The Roast of the 64th Grammys

By Vincent Khan

The 64th Grammys is this April, and you can just call it “Grandma” at this point because we all know what type of people decide who wins these awards. I mean, these judges are so old debating current music that they once considered windchimes a form of streaming music. With the Grammys usually comes controversy with who gets nominated for what, but not much was said this year. Some actually say the academy got the nominations right. But honestly, the only thing most people are worried about is if Kanye West storms the stage if he doesn’t win album of the year. We don’t want to have another Taylor Swift moment. People are saying he’s going to bring a stress ball of Pete Davidson’s face, which might help him out in case he loses. 

The two biggest stars of this new generation of music are Lil Nas X and Olivia Rodrigo. Both being nominated for 3+ awards. If Oliva Rodrigo wins, I hope he thanks Tik Tok because she would still be a perfect Starbucks barista without that. Lil Nas X should honestly go back to making country music because his music now sounds like taking glitter, like a whole pound of glitter, mixing it with slime, and rolling around in it for three hours. An 8-year-olds dream, honestly, but I get a sensory overload of butterflies in my stomach anytime I hear his song, Montero. 

Justin Bieber is nominated for a few awards. Also, his hit “Peaches” was a summer vibe. Daniel Caesar had an amazing verse on the song, a big moment for him working with Justin Bieber helping his name project into mainstream appeal. Some of us have to put respect on Justin Bieber’s name as an artist, and the guy has proven he can make good music time and time again. His first chapter of music none of us can forget. Every 11-year-old boy hated that man because he was every girl’s dream. But every single one of those 11-year-olds tried to mimic his famous hair at the time. If you’re a guy around the ages of 22-25 right now, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Don’t lie to yourself. 

One of my personal anticipated categories is the Record of the Year because I really want to see my boy, Anderson. Paak win something, but Bruno, my man, is a total hypocrite. He’s a legend but went from performing the saddest songs about heartbreak and being the best man possible, “I’d catch a grenade for yaaaaa” to “this b-word got me-.” A total switch-up! But that’s growth as an artist, and I have to respect it. Leave The Door open will probably take home multiple awards, to nobody’s surprise.