By Greg Horner, Senior Editor.
The world is upside down. Donald Trump, full-time douchebag-turned presidential candidate-turned American national nightmare is likely going to win the Republican nomination. Now the GOP is trying to deal with the fact that the majority of their voters want to elect a president whose biggest accomplishment has been introducing the world to Omarosa.
There’s talk of a split convention, a possible third party nomination and even the destruction of the GOP (please let this be the outcome), but it’s most likely that the party faithful will rally around Trump, and do everything in their power to make him a presentable presidential candidate. The dirty truth is: Donald Trump represents everything the insane, Ur-Fascist, self-aggrandizing, racist, money worshiping, human sacrificial death cult that is the modern Republican Party stands for.
Over the past 40 years, the GOP has fused Nixon’s race-baiting campaign of fear with Reagan’s personality cult of wealth to create an unstoppable coalition of blood-thirsty dogs. During that time the Republican elite, with the love of Jesus on their side, unleashed those hounds on public welfare, abortion rights, health care access, income equality, financial regulation, minority rights, the list goes on and on. But the party has lost the leash; the dogs are rabid and loose, and they’re going to devour everything in their path, as soon as they finish with their master.
While The Donald is clearly the alpha male in this metaphor, he’s just the loudest dog in a pack of many. Nothing Trump says is out-of-step with traditional Republican policy; Ted Cruz has said things just as deplorable about immigrants, John Kasich (who?) hates women too, Marco Rubio is a corporate shill and Jeb Bush is (was?) Jeb Bush.
The problem with Trump is that he barks too loud and his fan base is starting to bite. The GOP has no problem with dogwhistle (again dogs) racism, violent rhetoric and phony pandering to evangelical southerners, again they practically patented the idea. The problem is that Trump isn’t using a whistle, he’s using a mega horn. He’s shouting racism at the top of his lungs. He’s going on 30 talk-shows a day and spouting his disgusting, authoritarian, garbage. “He says what people are thinking.”
Republicans don’t want their candidates to say what people are thinking! They want to subtly imply what people are thinking with euphemism: call people welfare queens, call welfare “entitlements,” accuse our president of being a Muslim terrorist and when in doubt invade Iraq… All of that was working great, but now Trump supporters are beating up protesters and his rallies are starting to look like lynch mobs. The Republican voting base is starting to be seen for what it is: a ravenous, all-consuming, mass of spite.
What is the GOP to do? Who the hell knows. One thing is certain: there’s no going back now. You can’t suddenly undo a half century of hate in six months. We’ve already seen parasites like Rudy Guiliani, and former presidential nobody Chris Christie, strap on a black armband and goose-step for Trump; they’re probably already standing trial for war crimes in some alternate dimension somewhere.
Some die-hards will never give in. John McCain, Lindsey Graham and Mitch McConnel will never stand arm in arm with the monster they’ve created. They’ll deny blame, escape culpability and die ashamed. They’ll nail their cross to a convention miracle, a faint hope that somehow people will come to their senses and nominate a true savior. Good luck. It’s more likely that Trump will just get bored and quit.
If there’s any consolation the GOP might die, don’t count on it, but again who knows? If there’s any more consolation Trump probably won’t get elected…probably…
If there’s one more bit of consolation, it’s this. Regardless of whether Trump gets elected or not, he’s simply the ugly poster-boy for everything the GOP has been doing for decades. We’ve already been living in a violent, proto-fascist dystopia since the ‘80s! You shouldn’t worry about President Trump, you’ve already survived the worst presidential administration humanly possible. Remember the monsters?
If you close your eyes you can almost picture them now…
Somewhere, probably in a cold dungeon in central Wyoming, Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney are standing at an altar made from wreckage of the World Trade Center. At the center of the vile cathedral rests the last vestige of George Bush’s heart. As Cheney chews through the gamey final bites, and feels the strength of immortality course through his veins, he turns a cold, dead, eye toward a Trump rally on CNN. As he watches the footage with dispassionate amusement, a bloody grin fills his teeth, he turns his head to the sky and howls. He howls for the wealthy, for the uneducated and for all the future veterans.
Rumsfeld, shaking, turns to a portrait of Reagan as tears of joy stream down his hollow face.
“Mission Accomplished.”
The savior has returned. Together, hand in hand, they chant for their god. An unholy utterance of false hope.
“It’s morning in America again.”