Dear Mary,
The answer to your question is probably never. Whether you’re working overtime to meet a deadline or walking home in shame wearing Ziggy Stardust makeup, chances are you’re going to view yourself exactly as you do now. Adulthood isn’t something that happens to you, it’s something you do. You won’t realize you’re an adult until long after it’s happened, and I can guarantee you’re probably well on your way.
Hollywood has poisoned our minds, not with its gay agendas and liberal conspiracies, but with its character growth and incessant narrative. In movies, there’s always a beginning, middle and end, characters struggle, overcome and ultimately people move along their life in a beautifully poetic path.
That’s not going to happen to you, because life doesn’t have a narrative and it’s critically important you understand that. In real life things go wrong, people change for the worse, friends die young and no one not your parents, professors or friends have any clue if they’re doing the right thing.
If you’ve been waiting all this time for a grand revelation, some new sense of self, or some feeling of certainty in your life I’ve got some bad news. The only thing certain in life is how it ends, and the only epiphany you’ll ever feel is when you realize that.
There are only a few things in life that you get to control. You can’t pick your parents and you can’t change the past, some people have a limitless future while others will spend it behind bars. In reality the only thing you get to control is your perspective.
Doesn’t that just make you want to drink forever? Seriously I have enough trouble deciding what I’m going to watch on Netflix, without considering the fact my entire life will be defined by my experiences, actions and choices. Fascism is suddenly starting to make more sense to me.
Instead of falling into despair, embrace the freedom you have! Perspective is a powerful thing; no matter how difficult it may seem, no matter how wide the gap is between present and future, you can completely change how you see yourself.
So what was the question again? Oh right, adulthood! Despite my digressions the point still stands, adulthood isn’t going to happen to you. One day you’re going to look back on your life and find an indeterminate point in time where you began thinking and acting in a way that you consider to be adult.
But what is an adult anyway? Seriously I’m over here thinking about the universe and you’re worried about whether your friends see you as an adult? Grow up! Turn off the Xbox, cut your hair, and get a job you worthless kid.
–Greg