Review – “Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice,” Don’t drink the jar of piss


By Cameron Kerkau, Staff Reporter.

When Zack Snyder’s “The Man of Steel” debuted in 2013, it gave the DC cinematic universe a rocky start. Critics and fans were polarized, but it was clear that Snyder would have to do better to make Warner Brother’s grand venture a success. “Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice” is Snyder’s second chance to win a majority of the audience over.

Henry Cavill and Amy Adams return from “The Man of Steel” as Superman and Lois Lane. These are capable actors giving flat performances, and this time we’re asked to believe that they’re in love even though they’re only given one scene to try to prove it to the audience. Lois tells Clark, “I don’t think you can love me and be you,” and responds by shutting her up with a tulip and jumping into the bathtub with her. Her concern is never elaborated on, resolved or brought up again. That’s the kind of scene the movie gives us when we ask to form an emotional connection with its characters. It’s one-dimensional nonsense.

Easily, the best part of this movie was Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman. She’s not given very much screen time but I think that that’s ultimately a good thing. We see just enough of her to feel confident in Gadot as an actress, and to peak our interests in the character. Ben Affleck also does very well as Bruce Wayne. With a better script and direction, this could have been the best portrayal of Batman that we’ve seen thus far, and his performance is complimented by Jeremy Iron’s Alfred Pennyworth. I look forward to a solo Batman movie where these two have the room, and the resources, to own their characters completely.

Then, there’s Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor which is just… strange. Though, I won’t say I hated it entirely. I have to agree with the critic’s that are comparing him to Jim Carrey’s the Riddler, but I think they’re neglecting what Eisenberg has constructed here. Despite his horribly off-putting dialogue, you can clearly tell that he’s thinking on a different level than the rest of humanity. You can see it in his twitches, and hear it in the cracks and stutters of his voice. Ultimately, you see that Eisenberg is a talented actor making the most of a poorly written character.

That’s ultimately the biggest problem with the film: Nothing really means anything. It’s not just an emotional connection that the movie fails to establish with us, it’s any connection to reality at all. The film is a string of logical fallacies poorly edited together. Early in the film, for example, Superman saves Lois from terrorists in Africa, and then is chastised by the American government because those same terrorists killed other people in the same day — or something like that. The movie never bothers trying to explain how this could be seen as Superman’s fault, it just expects you to buy it and move on.

The movie thinks that having actors spout rhetoric about God’s relationship to man makes it topical and important, but gives zero merit or substance to any kind of political or philosophical discussion that takes place. I think the best example of how little this movie cares about weight or consequence is the first major action scene — our first good look at Batman in his cowl — which is wasted on a dream sequence.

The titular conflict of the movie is also deeply flawed. Why are they fighting? Hell if I know. The movie opens with Bruce Wayne driving through Metropolis as it’s being destroyed during the climax of “The Man of Steel,” and I suppose he carries a rage-boner for Superman ever since. But it feels less and less justified as the movie progresses. Once their fight ends and he says, “Maybe I was the one being a douche here. Let’s hangout, Superman.” All I could think was, “Yeah, duh.”

Actually, Batman is probably the most illogical character in the movie. Here’s a character whose parents were shot to death (a familiar sequence that we are forced to sit through once again), so he grows up to shoot people to death. This is a Batman that kills without remorse. If you’re a Batman fan, and that sentence doesn’t bug the hell out of you, I don’t know what would. More than just representing a colossal misinterpretation of the character, it just doesn’t make any sense.

He’s a walking contradiction, and not the interesting kind — at least not the well thought-out kind. If Batman’s just going to pick up the criminals’ guns and shoot them down with it, then why doesn’t he go into every fight with a semi-automatic? How did the Joker kill Robin and escape with his life? If Batman kills, then how are we getting a “Suicide Squad” movie? Why is he so mad at Superman when he is clearly the one without a level-head? Is he jealous of how much better Superman is at killing people? And why the hell is Superman alright with all the people that Batman murdered? Does anyone give a shit about anything in this universe?!

The fundamental reason that this movie is a cinematic failure is the same reason “The Man of Steel” was shit: Zack Snyder. The man doesn’t know how to make a film, he doesn’t understand what makes a character good, and he doesn’t deserve his job. I really wanted to like this movie. I’ve been waiting for it my whole life. But, Snyder has no idea how to create drama, emotion or fun. He’s Michael Bay pretending to be Christopher Nolan. At least Michael Bay knows what he is selling. I want to look forward to the upcoming “Justice League” films, but as long as he’s attached to the project, I know there’s no hope in them being good.

The worst thing that could happen to the DC cinematic universe is “Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice” being a financial success, and therefore, the studio deciding Zack Snyder has the skill to handle more. I look forward to every DC film that he doesn’t get his hands on.