Let’s level the playing field
By Ethan Moore.
No matter what you do in life, there will always be people trying to be better than you. There will also be another smaller percentage of people who will try to do so by malicious or illegal means. When athletes use performance enhancing drugs they not only give themselves inherent advantages, but tamper with the integrity of the organization they’re playing for, ruining the game for the people who are playing clean.
Performance enhancing drugs can skew statistical analysis and history. For example, Barry Bonds is considered by some to be the career leader for home runs with 762. The previous record was held by Hank Aaron who hit 755. Bonds used PED’s throughout his career to stay healthy and develop power; Aaron made his record playing completely clean. How is it fair to penalize athletes of the past for playing the game the right way as opposed to slimeballs like Bond’s who try to cheat their way into history?
Ignoring the actual sports part of the argument, taking these drugs is not only unsafe, but illegal. One of the most commonly used PED’s is human growth hormone and, except for 5 specific conditions that have nothing to do with sports, it’s illegal. In contact sports such as football it can be dangerous to the people around the cheating player. It can make the player significantly stronger than the others, and therefore, he could inflict serious harm.
I understand that medicine is advancing and it’s allowing for humans to continue to push their limits physically, but if we can’t all play sports on the same level, then what’s the point?
Juice baby, juice
By Matt Brown.
Back before Barry Bonds admitted to taking “the cream” and “the clear,” anabolic steroids were never a discussion in the realm of professional, televised sports. The discussion that followed Bonds consisted mainly of running down a player list and openly accusing many with any association to any doctor associated to steroids, which are normally associated with cheaters.
Folks cried out, demanding that these cheaters records be deleted. Cheaters though? Look: if you couldn’t hit that 90 mile per hour fastball—or catch Tom Brady’s missile pass—before steroids, you won’t do it immediately after becoming a juiced up mutant-man. Honing the skills to become a professional athlete takes time, and is a lifelong sacrifice. This dedication is, and should be, held sacred by sports leagues.
Robert Weiner, former spokesman for the White House National Drug Policy Office, says that professional sports seem to hide rather than block and punish drug abuse, and that, “It’s time for other sports, sponsors and the media to step up and help.”
Y’know, he’s right! And as a media professional, I have the solution: separate sports leagues, in which one’s roster consists exclusively of steroid users. Viewers want more action. Masters of their craft crave more power. Let’s have us a bloody Sunday and let them eat their anabolic cake too.
Are we really surprised that athletes want to juice up? I just told you it is a lifelong sacrifice. These people are willing to sacrifice anything to get become legends, earning a seven-figure salary playing with a ball.
Not only would this be the ultimate form of entertainment, rivaling the socio-political chariot races and gladiatorial combat, but would also solve additional issues. We wouldn’t have to suffer through these awkward social sacrifices of athletes, where they’re rounded up and made to testify on TV that they’re sorry for their sins. For example: at a hearing concerning his past use of steroids, Mark ‘Big Mac’ McGwire says, “I’m not here to talk about the past,” as he struggles not to burst from his tailored suit.
“It’s just a witch-hunt,” says cancer-surviving blood-doper Lance Armstrong (I mean, it was his blood—could be worse).
Is this what you really want to see? Wouldn’t you rather see Big Mac and the blood-witch smash into each other at inhuman speeds over fumbled pigskin?
You may be worried about the health and safety concerns if we allowed the next evolution of mankind to compete. However, we allow people to bungee-jump, to ski on advanced slopes, and to cliff dive—regularly putting themselves in danger for sport—for their sole entertainment. Where’s mine?
Besides, where is our current concern for safety in professional leagues? Concussion rates in the NFL are still at 200+ cases per year with lawsuits being filed against the league. Hell, the function of boxing gloves isn’t even for safety, but to increase the likelihood of total knock outs. Maybe the steroids will allow them to endure punishment equal to what they can dish out?
Think about it in a business sense: We would even get to hit the elusive “natural” market with an organic league: real sports with real humans. It goes hand-in-hand with tempeh and almond milk. This would showcase our species’ inherit skills, with no need for that equipment which only seems to seems to increase the likelihood of fatalities/injuries/whatever.
So who’s with me? Let’s relinquish the airwaves of sad apologies, and bring in hard-hitting national bonding.
