By Marisa Loranger, News Editor.
“The pain will be so unbearable you will never want to do it again.”
Every young girl grows up hearing the horror that they will someday face when they have sex. The biggest misconception about women having sex for the first time, is that they are supposed to bleed and be in pain. The problem with this is that this promotes and normalizes sex as painful when it should be a fun and pleasurable experience for everyone participating.
“Popping the cherry” is a term that refers to having sex with someone for the first time and tearing their hymen. The hymen is a membrane that surrounds the vaginal opening. The term also normalizes the idea that women should bleed their first time.
“[The hymen] is made to stretch. It’s a normal sexual response; if a woman is prepared and ready, it will stretch,” explains Mary Patnode, a Registered Nurse at the Saginaw County Health Department.
If the appropriate amount of time and foreplay takes place, tearing and bleeding can be thrown out of the equation. When a woman, or anyone, has sex for the first time, they may be tense, making it a little uncomfortable. However, through regular masturbation, one can stretch the hymen over time. Lubrication can also be used to reduce friction and pain. Foreplay before intercourse helps the woman’s body to get ready and the hymen will begin to stretch and the vagina will start to self lubricate.
“[The hymen] doesn’t go back to the same shape if it is ripped, but it will repair itself,” explains Patnode.
If a woman is not expecting sexual intercourse, like in the case of sexual assault or young age, it will make tearing almost inevitable. Sports, such as horseback riding, can cause change in the hymen. Aggressive sex can also cause the hymen to tear and bleed.
Another big misconception about the hymen is that you can tell by observation if someone has had sex before. That is extremely dangerous pseudoscience. Many women, because of the misconceptions of the hymen, feel like they have to bleed to prove that they’ve never had sex before. The hymen comes in all shapes and sizes, and some women don’t even have one. There’s no way to tell if someone has had sex by looking at their hymen or lack thereof.
If a man and woman have sex and he doesn’t see blood, there’s this belief that she has lied to him about her virginity. This way of thinking has warped women’s and men’s views on sex. Women think that they shouldn’t masturbate just to prove their virginity. Men aren’t even aware that foreplay before sex makes it more pleasurable for everyone.
We have to start having these conversations. Sex is natural, it’s human nature and it’s fun.
